I'll Have the Groove Salad With Extra Bread, Please

Stephen King, in the current issue of Entertainment Weekly, riffs on drifting away from music then rediscovering it via the cyberhighway. I can relate.

My interest in music has seen two giant spikes since the turn of the century, and both spikes were brought about by online services.

The first of these was Napster in its original thumbing-your-nose-at-the-record-companies incarnation. (FWIW, I am now a monthly dues-paying member of Napster's new legit version, too.) Unlike many of the folks who used Napster primarily to avoid paying for music, I used it to find stuff I wanted that was either unavailable or was so difficult to find that it might as well have been. I'm guessing not too many others were looking for "Give Up Your Guns" by the Buoys or the withdrawn and banned "U2" by Negativland.

OK, I got a lot of other stuff, too. But it never stopped me from buying anything. In fact, on the contrary, my Napster dabbling sent me on a buying spree. When I hear new stuff, MP3's without the cover art are poor substitutes for the real thing. If I like it enough to keep it, I want a shiny new store-bought copy.

Thanks to the appeals court who decided to pull the plug on Napster, I saved a lot of money and eventually settled back into a musical coma, buying the occasional item here and there based on a review or a friend's recommendation. I mean, face it: radio sucks, and MTV hasn't been about music for over a decade. No exposure to cool sounds = no spending money on new Music. (Don't worry - I found other ways to piss away my money. You didn't expect me to put it in savings, did you?)

But lately, things have taken an expensive turn for the worse. I have discovered "Groove Salad," one of several internet radio stations broadcasting from http://www.somafm.com/ .

God help me.

What a wonderful resource. I hadn't heard of at least half of the artists whose music was featured in any given set, but there was always something that completely captured my imagination.

So, of course, I wanted to buy the music. I kept a running list of songs that I wanted to track down. The only problem is that much of what I was hearing was either out of print or had never been released in the USA. In other instances, the track that I craved was only available on a various artists collection (also usually out of print).

Think I'm kidding? "Letter in Three Parts" by #9 Dream was released on a CD called Rhythm and Irrelevance on the German Recycle or Die label which went out of business years ago. Looking for a copy of DJ Bubba's "Dreamtime Planet"? That'd be on the long out of print second Barramundi sampler of the same name. How about Jaydee's "Think 4 a While"? Same story, except that one is on the first Barramundi sampler An Introduction to a Cooler World . Out of print , by the way. Hey, at least Legion of Green Men's "Ambrosia" is on a sampler that's still in print. I know, because I bought it from an online shop based in France.

Thank God for Ebay. Oh, and also, damn you Ebay. I am going broke.

Fortunately, there are also plenty of things that are relatively recent and still in print. Where have you been all of my life, Sasha? Airdrawndagger is one of the most amazing records I have ever heard. Same goes for The Album Leaf's "One Day I Will Be On Time."

If you like mostly instrumental, downtempo electronica with a beat, I cannot recommend Groove Salad highly enough. And it's free (though donations are encouraged).

Did I say free? Be forewarned - it can lead to an expensive habit.

CC with the Hello Kitty purse. 

Hello Kitty Goodbye Hello

How do you tell a five-year-old that the world is crawling with lowlife scum?

About a year ago, someone stole my daughter's Hello Kitty purse from the back seat of her grandmother's car.

This wasn't the first brush with near-disaster for CC (my daughter) and the purse. A few months earlier we almost lost it at Disney World when it was left in the ladies' room. Fortunately, some nameless good samaritan (thank you, wherever you are) found it and turned it in to Lost and Found. But not before CC cried her eyes out in despair.

Losing it is bad enough. Having it stolen is worse.

Stealing a purse from a 5-year old? What a proud moment it must have been. Your future really looks bright, you worthless pile of excrement. Please stop pretending to be human. Those of us who actually are human take exception. But I digress...

More tears. "Daddy will find you another one." "No, the stuff that you had in it will still be gone."

Welcome to reality, kid. I'm sorry I couldn't shield you from it longer than I did. I wanted to. Remember when you were three and asked me if you could have some gum? We were in my car on the way home from Miss Suzanne's. I said "No, Mommy doesn't want you to have any gum, 'cause she's afraid you'll get it in your hair." And you said "But when I'm big and I'm a Princess, I can have some?" Yes. When you're big and you're a Princess, you can have gum. But first, while you're still a little princess, some heartless asshole is going to steal your Hello Kitty purse, because they need the pretty rocks, Polly Pocket accessories and loose change in it more than you do.

So I went to Ebay in search of the purse. "hello kitty" + "blue" + "purse". I looked at literally thousands of listings over the course of the last year. Apparently, this particular purse was not widely distributed, because, trust me, you can find anything on Ebay. Except for a purse like the one that was stolen.

I finally hit paydirt earlier this month when I was on Ebay's German site. One vendor was selling a brand new Hello Kitty shoulder bag. Not just any bag, but THE bag. They didn't ship outside of Germany. I emailed my sad story to the contact address for the seller, but got no response. Then again, perhaps they didn't speak English and had no idea what to make of the email. Not to be deterred, I contacted a wonderful colleague across the pond who works at our German office. To cut a long story short (yeah, I know - too late for that)she bought it and shipped it to me. I gave it to my daughter last night.

Was it anti-climactic? No, not really. She was pleased to get it, but she's grown up a lot in the last year or so. She had already replaced the purse with a different Hello Kitty model. She may never even use the purse I gave her last night. But I long ago realized the search had become more about me than her. It was my feeble attempt to right a wrong and put the world back in order for both of us. As long as I can fool myself into believing that it's possible to dry up Princess tears with replacement goods, I'll always try.

Today's Unused Novel Opener

"If I had my life to do over again, I wouldn't change a thing."

If I had a nickel for every time I've heard someone speak this lie, well, ...I'd have a lot of nickels. Not that money would do me any good where I am now. But who wouldn't do things differently if they could? The time you closed the car door on your hand, backed over your dog, got caught doing something you'd rather not be caught doing; every lifetime must have hundreds of painful, embarrassing, hurtful moments that we'd love to take back.

Me? I'd be happy for a single day. Today, actually. Because if I had today to do all over again, I might still be alive.