A Defense of Sniping

Awhile back I got a nasty email from someone who lost an auction when I came in at the last minute and outbid him. The auction was for a red shirt with a guitar embroidered on it.

Nice shirt, by the way.

I just ran across the email that I sent back to him. I think it's fairly restrained, considering his tone. And I actually received a nice response back from him.

If you're one of those people who complain about "sniping" in online auctions, it won't change your opinion. But I dare you to present a valid argument to my defense.

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His email

Enjoy the shirt...it is because of poaching jerks like you that I am now and forevermore withdrawing from this Ebay crap...nice bid...2 seconds to go and you got in. I am so very impressed.

My Response

Rather than merely ignore or be amused by your email, I'll respond for what it's worth.

You would probably be surprised to find out that I'm not a jerk at all; in fact, I'm a nice guy who got burned on too many auctions myself. To quote our esteemed former president...I feel your pain. I learned quickly that Ebay is not a gentlemen's club, but a marketplace with a cruel learning curve. Everything changed for me when it finally sunk in that all auctions ended the same way - the winner was not the one who bid at the last minute, it was the one who was willing to pay the most for the item.

Using the shirt auction that I won is a perfect example. I had absolutely no idea what your maximum bid was. But I knew the maximum *I* was willing to pay: $25.75 . I looked at the postage ($4.25), figured the most I was willing to pay overall was $30, subtracted the $4.25 and reached the figure I was willing to spend. I was actually surprised that I won, because I figured there was a good chance your bid was $30. Ebay stresses in their literature that you should always bid up front with the maximum amount you were willing to pay.

Was $22 the maximum you were willing to pay? If so, why be angry? The only advantage I gain from bidding at the last minute is that someone who bid less than the maximum they're willing to pay doesn't get a chance to have second thoughts and bid again. If you were willing to pay more for the shirt, you should have bid more in the first place, or at the very least rebid yourself with a higher amount at the last second, to prevent a last minute higher bid from someone else.

I have largely stopped bidding at all except at the last minute. Why? Because it was costing me more money. If I bid for something, and someone else for whom money is no object decides they want the same item, they just keep bidding and bidding until they surpass my maximium bid and price me out of the auction. By letting them bid first, they bid less and I have a greater chance of coming in at the last minute and getting the item when they have no time to rebid. But the fact remains the same: If they had placed their bid at the absolute maximum they were willing to pay, I probably wouldn't have won. People tend to bid the highest amount that doesn't hurt their sensibility, then when they lose they think "I probably should have bid more."

Anyway, you probably have ideas about fair play and sportsmanship that were offended by my last minute bid. I assure you that my intention was not to "beat you." It was to win the auction for the shirt. I'm never happy about upsetting anyone. But it is a mistake to think of ebay is terms of fair play and sportsmanship. It's not online gaming, and it's not a sport. It's a marketplace, with rules and regulations. The rules do not preclude or even discourage last minute bidding. It's a proven strategy for winning and saving money in the process.

Now, if you're really willing to pay more for the shirt, here's the url for a place that sells them. I bought one from them a month ago. I liked it so much that I decided to go for the one on ebay as a backup (for when I get the inevitable salsa or wine stain on it.)

http://store.yahoo.com/wildaboutmusic/142030370.html

At the risk of introducing you to something that represents everthing you might despise, you might also want to take a look at this site as well. I use them to place bids for me when I won't be near a computer as an auction closes.

http://www.auctionsniper.com

I know you said you're abandoning ebay. Obviously, that's up to you. But I would urge you to stick around and get a feel for the place. 5 months is not long enough to get past the frustration level. It took me awhile, but now I seldom lose. When I do, it's always because my maximum bid is lower than someone else's. In that situation I'm not happy, but neither am I offended. It was worth more to someone else than I was willing or able to pay.

In any case, best of luck to you whether you stick around or leave ebay behind. If you stick around, be forewarned: when the same shirt comes up for auction in black (saw it at a House of Blues club,) I'll be there trying to win it.

Sincerely,
Bill

P.S. re: that bid with 2 seconds left - I'm not that good. I unknowingly had my caps lock key on and had to frantically try several times to get my password right. More like one minute in most cases.

Random Thoughts

My idea of an expensive, obscure joke would be to open a bakery that only sells pie. For $3.14.

If Mickey Mouse gets kicked out of school, is that suspended animation?

Sometime when you're in a restaurant that has a kid's meal, tell the waitperson "I'll have the kid's meal if I get to choose which kid to take it from."

The next time someone tells you that you really mean something to them, stare at them intently and ask "Do I mean something to you? Or do I represent something to you?"

I'm not picky when it comes to women, as long as they're not missing any toes. I'm lack-toes intolerant.

The Tipping Point for Entropy

Quick! Read this before your computer crashes or you slump over dead at your desk!

The most powerful force in the universe is entropy. It factors into every part of your life, affecting relationships, jobs, personal possessions, and your mind and body.

Accept it.

As a younger man I once complained aloud about what seemed like a conundrum. "If something bad is happening, and you ignore it, it gets worse, right? So... if something good is happening and you ignore it, why doesn't it get better instead of going away?"

At the time I thought it should have been a simple equation like this:

situation a * 1 = outcome a- , therefore situation b * 1 = b+

Why is this an improper syllogism? Entropy. (Probably a lot of other reasons, too.)

Situation "a" and situation "b" both deal with neglect. By neglecting something, whether bad or good, it gets worse because entropy is the natural force to which all things ultimately succumb. Good things have to be nurtured, and nurture is the opposite of neglect. Nurturing is also a temporary defense against entropy. But enough; I shall not write "nurture" again for fear of growing breasts.

So where, you might ask yourself if you have not fallen asleep, am I going with all of this? I'm glad you asked that question because I am now ready to make someone fabulously wealthy!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to introduce the WISE (World Institute for the Study of Entropy) award.

I am offering One Billion Dollars US (Six Trillion Canadian, or about Twenty euros) to anyone who can devise a universally applicable formula for determining the tipping point for entropy (TPE). I define the TPE as the point at which you are no longer fighting entropy to a draw, and are now engaged in trying to maintain your dignity as you go down to defeat in the battle to keep things in order.

Although I am not a mathematician by trade (or by any stretch of the imagination for that matter), I am willing to help get someone started by identifying some of the factors that will be necessary to make the award-winning equation.

First, you must determine what's in the arsenal. Certainly the number of waking hours available to an individual in an average day would be important (don't forget to subtract hours at work and commuting, unless trying to calculate job entropy). The physical age of the individual counts, too. Their marital/partnership status must also be figured in, as well as the extent to which the spouse or partner has time to help the individual battle shared entropy. It might also be important to factor in whether the spouse/partner is actually a primary cause of entropy in a given case. Of course, disposable income helps, too: you can hire a maid or personal assistant to help you fight to a glorious draw each day. Finally, consider the wear-and-tear factor: how long has the individual been gamely fighting this unwinnable war? Are they depressed? Can they talk? Can they at least point at the face on the chart that most closely corresponds to their level of pain?

On the other side of the equation, one must consider the number of plates which the individual is attempting to spin. These plates would include things like a job, a house, a yard, one or more vehicles (multiply by 10 any vehicle which was designed in Detroit), number of pets, whether these are high-maintenance (dogs and monkeys) or low maintenance pets (cats, fish, turtles, snakes, hamsters, etc.). You will also need to know whether these are indoor or outdoor pets, and how many of them are incontinent. Consider, too, the number of children and their ages and gender. Remember to include other material possessions with moving parts, such as lawnmowers, garage doors, bicycles, blenders, VCRs, DVD and CD players, garbage disposals, and several thousand toys (don't forget the batteries!).

I am sure I have left something out, but hey - I'm just writing the check here. I'll even unilaterally give up the right to determine which symbol represents which factor in the equation. So if you want to let x = spouse/partner, you go right ahead. (Which reminds me... you probably need to figure in ex-spouses, too, so let's let x = ex-spouses/partners. Sorry.)

Knowing the TPE and all of the factors in the equation would allow an individual to make "what if" calculations to see what would happen if, for example, they changed jobs from grease monkey at Sears Auto Shop to partner in a D.C. patent law firm, or sent the incontinent pet to live on a farm where it could run free.

One other thing. Even though I am magnanimously paying for the "discovery" of this important equation that will revolutionize everything except the definition of the word "revolutionize," I plan to share it freely with the world.

Think of the possibilities! What a gift to humankind! Does anyone else smell Nobel Peace Prize?

So get crackin'! There's only one prize, so obviously, first come first served. And by way of disclaimer, my lawyer advises me to point out that if my checking account falls victim to entropy while I'm waiting for you to get off your duff and come up with the equation, I don't have to pay. Technically.